No one has said this yet, so I feel I must.
THANK YOU FOR THIS.
So many people don’t seem to understand that social anxiety can manifest itself in multiple ways. Some people will just dismiss that you have social anxiety if you don’t fit into what they perceive it to be, and that lack of understanding can be really hurtful. So thank you for this.
(And as my personal comment, I fit into behavioural and cognitive.)
Look, you know I love you. You know this isn’t me trying to tell you that you’re terrible forever. You know I don’t hate you for what I’m about to say.
But, well, y’all keep fucking up. And you keep fucking up in the same exact ways, even after hearing me and other trans women tell you ad nauseam exactly how you’re fucking up. And hell, you probably literally are sick of hearing it. But if you’re serious about doing right by trans women — and, if I call you friend, you are — then please listen.
(And please, don’t try to claim that it’s misogynist to specifically address cis women instead of just “cis people”. That’s BS and you know it. Cis women oppress us in certain ways that cis men do not.)
I get how important it is to love your bodies, and I totally support that. I also get that it can be cathartic to attack your oppressors’ bodies. I understand where that’s coming from, totally.
- As a woman with a penis, I can tell you with certainty that you would not be afforded more respect if you had a penis. In fact, you’d face even more of an uphill battle getting the jobs, recognition, etc. that you want, because every single time you did anything at all, people would just dismiss you for being a trans woman. You could fucking cure cancer, and all anyone would say in response is, “that’s a duuuuuuuuuude lol that’s disgusting”. You’d face even more misogyny, even more abuse, and even more dehumanization in general.
- The uterus and/or vagina is not the fount of all womanhood. In saying or implying that it is, you are saying that trans women are not women. And you know that’s not true.
- Trans women are women. Some trans women have penises. Ergo, some women have penises. So when you insult penises/testicles/etc. in general, you are attacking other women’s bodies. How is this pro-woman? How is it feminist? (Radscum needn’t bother replying to this, obvs.)
- Trans women’s health issues are women’s health issues. When you say you don’t care about the health of people with penises, you are necessarily saying that you don’t care about trans women’s health.
I know you know this already; it’s all pretty obvious remedial Trans 023 stuff. And yet, when I bring it up in reference to something you posted, y’all resist it in various ways, usually tearing pages from the Derailing for Dummies* playbook. Which frustrates me so much, because you know better, and I know you know better.
Yes, by all means, be proud of your vagina! And support/boost/offer education about how DFAB reproductive systems work, since society actively tries to suppress that information! And defend everyone’s right to choose tooth-and-nail! And raise holy hell about the fact that it’s easier to get Viagra than it is to get birth control! But here’s a thought: you can do all of that without degendering trans women, without shitting on our needs and our bodies, without situationally revoking our personhood when it’s convenient for your arguments.
You can. You really can. If I thought otherwise, we wouldn’t be friends.
So please, please pay more attention to what you say and what it means. This shit needs to change. So please, help change it.
* No, I don’t care for the title. It’s still a good (and wonderfully sarcastic) reference to the derailing tactics folks use.
Feels a little early to rebagel this, but it needs to continue being seen.
Lupita Nyong’o accepts the Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role award onstage during the 20th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards
I THINK YOU MEAN MY FAVORITE TROPE OF ALL TIME
“We’re property. Our bodies, our biology, everything we are, everything we become, belongs to them.”
This trope is awesome! — when it happens for actual gay/bi characters. 99% of the time it is used in canon, it is just for queerbait which simultaneously makes me happy (well, briefly) and RAGEFUL.
There are so many ways to get SUPER IFFY in this trope — how the “real” gays are portrayed is a HUGE one.
I’ve never written it, but I could. Probably with some very meta changes.
Put a number in my askbox and I’ll tell you my thoughts on the trope you’ve asked me about and if I’ve written it myself, or if I ever would
- Huddling together for warmth
- Shag or die
- Undercover in a gay bar
- Pretending to be married
- First time together
- Forced to share a bed/fake relationship
- Mind control
- Mistakenly assumed to be gay
- Let’s play truth or dare
- Mary Sue fic
- Curtain fic
- Apocalypse fic
- Someone has a baby
- Telepathic soulbonding
- Circus AU
- Language barrier
- Historical AU
Also applicable for: send me a pairing and I’ll drabble.
kristen loves women and she doesn’t take shit
It’s wonderful how much of this game she is not playing.
this broke my heart
like he looks at her like she’s his little sister
and they’re playing some game
Can I have the AU where the two that survived were Rue and Thresh? Imagine Rue finds Thresh right away and they team up and Thresh makes a pact with her — he promises if he can get them both to the end that he will make sure she is the one who goes home. Where he says, “Fuck and their games. I’m going to protect you, little bird. I’m going to get you home.”
Watch the gamekeepers try to kill them right away because of what Thresh says. Because he’s fighting, not to win, but to protect Rue from the games. But the sponsors keep sending her and Thresh food and medicine and the Districts too because watching Thresh carry Rue through fire and get injured protecting her is too much to bear.
Can I have the AU where it’s Thresh and Rue with the nightlock, after the mutts attack and Cato is dead and it’s Thresh about to take the poison and send her home? But it’s Rue who won’t let her ‘big brother’ go alone after so many already died protecting her (imagine Katniss dies protecting her) and they decide, okay, together and…
Rue has always been the Mockingjay, but imagine that she lived.
now I can never read The Hunger Games again b/c it is not as awesome as this.
I just really need the show to capture precisely how much of a fucking dweeb Jaime is so I’ve planned out a short scene for them straight from book canon here’s how it’s gonna go:
Jaime: HEY WENCH I GOT YOU A HORSE AS UGLY AS YOU, HOPE YOU DON’T GO BLIND FROM HOW UGLY YOU BOTH ARE
[Camera pans out]
Brienne: …Ser Ja-
Jaime: LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU
Jaime: YEP JUST ABOUT AS REPULSIVE AS YOU ARE ESPECIALLY IN THAT BLUE DRESS
[Jaime calls for a large ornate chest and hands Brienne progressively nicer items for next several minutes including: flowers, thirty eight new blue dresses, armor, and a golden jewel encrusted sword all the while loudly insisting they were the only things that could possibly hope to match her ghastly face. The stable hands look on is disbelief.]
season 4 american horror story: CIRCUS
IF THERE IS A CLOWN I AM OUT
THERE IS NO WAY THERE WON’T BE A CLOWN.
PEACE! *rolls out*
From now on, if you put an asterisk after ‘trans,’ I’m just going to assume you’re a virulent transmisogynist. We’ve explained the problems with it enough times that there’s no excuse anymore.
Whoa whoa whoa. I’ve been doing a non-stop parade of finals and holiday travel so I’ve missed this discussion.
What is the beef here? That asterisk is a pretty important part of my identity as a Boolean expression. Making the suffix “trans” represent possibility matters, at least for my identity. I know that’s not for everyone, but there are some of us who appeal to the possibility of language.
But links or a name for me to feed into search? Please?
Given the fact that lots and lots of trans women on Tumblr have been talking about this for a long time, I strongly suspect the fact that you’ve “missed this discussion” has more to do with the fact that you haven’t been paying attention to/don’t care about trans women’s analyses of transmisogyny than it has to do with December being a busy month.
- It’s primarily mobilized against trans women by AFAB trans people (and sometimes AMAB trans people who are not trans women) as a force-teaming mechanism; a disingenuous homogenization of all trans people that functions to erase analysis of transmisogyny and functionally grant non-trans-women latitude to speak for us. Case in point - it made you feel like it was okay to argue with me about transmisogyny. :)
- Lots of people apply the asterisk to people - especially trans women - without our consent (if I received a nickel every time someone referred to me as a “trans*woman” or some variant on here, I’d have a substantially easier time paying my rent).
- It was developed in part to achieve a weird political unity with HBSers (ugh).
- It’s obnoxious & I don’t like it.
There are other good reasons, but I don’t feel like digging for them. I bet if you took an active interest you could find them. One important thing to note - liking or identifying with something doesn’t change the fact that it’s oppressive. Rather, it might be useful to examine why it is you like or identify with something oppressive.Don’t reply to this post. Don’t argue with me. Don’t follow me. Don’t talk to me. I am only willing to debate this with other trans women, because they’re the only ones who don’t have a vested interest in quashing analyses of transmisogyny.